


let me remember you

by criesinsaida



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Morning thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:22:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28931709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/criesinsaida/pseuds/criesinsaida
Summary: Early morning and Sana remembers her.
Relationships: Kim Dahyun/Minatozaki Sana
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	let me remember you

**Author's Note:**

> kinda inspired by Mayday Parade's Terrible Things

Emptiness.

It has been a while since she felt a void in the room.

Sana hasn’t opened her eyes yet but she knows that she’s alone in their massive bedroom. The warmth she usually feels first thing in the morning was not present at the time. There should be arms resting on her, light snores should be heard. Even legs tangled with her own. 

Sana closed her eyes harshly this time. 

Trying her utmost best to stop herself from spiraling to somewhere she knows she won’t escape easily. It’s in the deepest part of her mind. For how many years, she dug and dug and shoved it in the farthest place her mind can get through, but you see, the heart will never forget. 

No matter how many walls she built and how thick it stood, just a single thought can break it into shards.

It has always been like this, Sana thought.

Build for a few days, weeks if she was lucky, then stumble into a memory, automatically break the wall, cries will resonate, then after a few days, rebuild the wall. A never-ending cycle.

Sana wondered what happened last night for her to think of these things. These haunted memories. 

But, were they always haunted?

Of course not. But how did these memories resurface again?

Did she dream about _her_ last night? 

Sana was not completely sure, but maybe, just maybe, it was her unconscious mind that gave in to the thought. To _her_. 

It’s been a while, Sana said to herself. And in these times, she let herself get hurt. 

Pain demands to be felt, they say. So Sana allowed herself to remember and relive the memories in her mind. 

First of all, she remembers _her_ hair. The light brown obstacle that she reaches all the time when she leans to her and puts it behind _her_ ears. From light brown, it would be blonde since _she_ was very spontaneous, Sana remembers and giggles a little. And when that person leans on her chest as she embraces her, Sana would always pat _her_ head and smooth _her_ hair, telling sweet nothings and loving promises. 

She can feel the pain flowing in her veins. _I started it, better to finish and get this done with_.

The next she remembers is _her_ feet. Those tiny bones have no choice but to slightly tiptoe every time _she_ reaches for Sana. Whether it would be for a hug or kiss. Those feet that kick her butt whenever Sana says silly things. Their playful banter, like kids on a sleepover. _Her_ legs that tangle with hers whenever they fall asleep. Like vines attaching, or magnets that are bound to attract one another. 

_Come on Sana, you can do this_.

_Her_ hands. Those tiny hands (compared to hers) that would unquestionably cup her cheeks and wipe her tears using her thumb whenever Sana cries. Sana would be mindlessly seated at the back of the bus, then suddenly smile feeling something interlacing with her hand. Those hands that would automatically snake into Sana’s waist, like it’s made for it. How perfect it was when they were slow dancing on the rooftop at their dorm. Hands on Sana’s immaculate waist, making the latter feel so secured and protected. She felt immunity whenever _she_ did that. 

And when _she_ holds Sana by the waist, the latter would instinctively raise her arms and embrace _her_ neck. _Her_ neck. How many times did Sana leave featherlike kisses whenever she woke up. How many times did Sana trail her long fingers above that neck and end her trail on that person’s chest? Feeling _her_ steady heartbeat, knowing she was the reason for that stability. They make each other stable. And with stability, they formed trust. Out of trust, they made love. At that moment, Sana wanted this to last. Hoped that every time she woke up, she would be here against _her_ , just beside _her_. 

A thousand moments Sana thought she had taken for granted, for she assumed that there would be a thousand more.

Sana, with her eyes shut, was having a hard time breathing.

_Steady, self._

That double chin. Her _love_ would get insecure whenever it shows but Sana would always remind _her_ how she adores it. Pinching and giving small pecks were enough for the latter to embrace that insecurity _she_ once had. Sana had that power. To bend something or anything you are sure of into a certain thought you never had or have an interest in. To make insecurities into strengths and give confidence overall. And Sana knew that. Because she was constantly reminded of it by _her_.

Now that Sana desperately needs those words of reaffirmation, the silence engulfs her.

_Her lips._

Her lips on Sana’s forehead before they went their ways every day. Those soft and plump fleshy folds automatically brush against hers when they cuddle before letting sleep take them. There are countless times where Sana felt lost and unsure about what she should do in her life. But those lips, made her feel anchored and grounded. To not get swayed and washed away by the chaos life has to offer. 

_Sana’s eyes sting at the thought of her lover’s lips as she wished it was against her’s._

Lastly, her eyes. Those dark orbs that would always look out for her, wherever and whenever they were. Sana felt like her lover’s eyes were some sort of a spotlight. Whenever their eyes meet, Sana feels like the attention of the whole world is on her. Those eyes carry great emotions and are contagious for Sana. It’s all in the eyes, they say. For the eyes would never lie.

_And Sana hoped to see those eyes and tell her that everything will be okay._

“Mommy?”

A soft, kinda cautious, but hinted with concern voice spoke.

“Why are you crying?”

Sana didn’t even realize that she was crying already with her eyes closed. And when she opened it, she was reminded of why she tries her best to keep on moving forward. 

_Someone’s depending on her._

“Mama told me to not make you cry, Mommy. Will I get scolded, Mommy?”

A genuine laugh escaped Sana’s mouth. How this little one can change her mood in an instant would always be endearing for her. Just like her lover.

“Come here, baby.” Sana gestured for the little boy to sit on her bed. The little boy immediately ran and hugged his mommy.

In the early years with their little one, Dahyun was the hands-on one between them. She would wake him up in the morning, help and teach him how to bathe, teach him how to cook a simple breakfast, and surprise their Mommy who is fast asleep. It was like Dahyun had an instant wingman. 

And in an instant, her little one lost his Mama.

“Do you miss Mama, baby?” Sana mindlessly asked.

It took a few minutes before the little boy spoke.

“I miss her hugs, Mommy. But when the wind blows, when I play with my friends, or when we go to that park Mommy, Mama hugs me. She’s the wind, Mommy.”

_No wonder this boy got her poetic side, Sana thought._

“She’s the wind, baby?”

“Yes, Mommy!” while looking at Sana with his eyes wide open, like a puppy waiting for his treats. Just like Dahyun. 

“Is that why you are crying Mommy because you missed Mama?”

Sana can’t help but be honest and just simply nodded while giving a small peck on his temple.

“Mama told me that she’s in our hearts. She’s closer than she was before Mommy! She’s inside me. I carry her all the time right mommy? And you carry Mama all the time too. When you go to work or when I go to school.”

Sana saw how confident their little one is, and who was she to let herself stay in misery. Not when Dahyun left her a replica of herself. Someone who gives her strength, and acts like her kryptonite. Someone who grounds her and reminds her who Sana is in the first place. A confident and brave girl that ventured into an unfamiliar country for her dreams to come true. 

“Yes, my Kim Dowon. Mama’s always with us, she would never leave us. She loves us so much just like how we love her.”

After sinking in each other's warmth, the little stood up and gave his little hand for her Mommy to reach. 

“I made breakfast Mommy. Let’s eat.”

Sana took his hands and stood up.

“Go down first, kiddo. I’ll just fix the bed.” Sana smiled at him. 

The little one was already on the door when he ran back to Sana and hugged her so tight, completely surprised by her little boy’s action. He looked up at Sana with his charming smile and Sana felt her eyes getting teary in every second by the familiar orbs looking at her.

“I love you, Mommy, just like how Mama loves you.” 

Sana swallowed her sobs and hugged their little one with the same energy and glanced at the frame on her bedside table. It was a picture taken on their first vacation as a daily. Sana, Dahyun, and Dowon between them, underneath the sun with the vast oceans of Hawaii as their background. Their smiles in that picture, forever printed in her mind. She remembered the exact words Dahyun told her after it was snapped.

_“We’ll work this out, my wife. Thank you for giving me a reason and purpose to wake up in the morning. You got me, okay?” Dahyun said with her playful smile painted on her lips._

Sana looked at the frame and mirrored her lover's smile and recited on her mind the same answer she gave to Dahyun at that time.

_“We got each other, babe.”_

And they truly had each other despite the absence of one.

**Author's Note:**

> it's been a while hehe feel free to leave a comment!
> 
> don't forget to vote for Twice!


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